Three Lies I Tell Myself

I can be normal.

I suppose it depends on your definition of normal, but I will never meet the status quo and that makes me sad so I tell myself that one day I will even though I know that I will not. Sometimes it is better to openly lie to yourself instead of completely accepting something that will crush part of who you are.

I will be Superdad.

I will be the best dad I can be, but that will never be enough for some people. I have days when I think it won’t be enough for my kids either. I have already failed my six year old, will I fail my two year old as well? Will good enough be good enough for me and my kids? Will I be what they need or will I fall short giving everything I can? I will never be Superdad, I will be lucky if I am Decentdad.

I will one day be healed.

This is the big one. I will never be healed. I will be “sick” for the rest of my life. I will be a burden to those around me forever. I will always be that guy with schizophrenia. AND as an added bonus I could pass it on to my kids. Yea!

We tell ourselves lies to soften the blow of reality, but when we live in a world of lies reality has a way of breaking through and crushing us. I try not to be crushed, but I fail most of the time.

The Many, The Downcast, The Children

(The Few, The Proud, The Marines)

In the land of the free and the home of the brave
sat a young man locked in his room so full of hate.

He wanted to know how anything could ever be okay
ever since his daddy died and his momma flaked.

It used to be games of planes, trains, trucks and guns,
but then his daddy left to play with sand, fleas and bombs.

His momma used to say, “Daddy’s havin’ so much fun”
when in reality it was momma’s fun that had just begun.

There came a nonstop barrage of new men
and then he was locked up in his room again

hearin’ all those moans, screams and cries
knowin’ then that his momma’s words were lies.

When the day finally came, they told him daddy died
and reality finally became everything he had denied.

Now, years later, with a new man on the throne
he found that pistol daddy had made his own.

Mamma never noticed a single day in his life
and new daddy barely noticed the loss of his wife.

The Confessions And Concerns Of A Liar

Disclaimer: I may lie about some of this, but I will make every effort not to.

I have lied about everything from stealing from my parents as a youth to how many times I have been camping. From the meaningful to the mundane and everything between and on either side; if you can think about it then I have lied about it.

I am not sure when it started or why, but I have been lying for as long as I can remember about one thing or another. When it began it may have been by choice or for personal gain, but now it is difficult not to lie and most of the time, as far as I can tell, it does not benefit me in anyway. When writing this blog it started off difficult because I was determined not to lie about anything, it just seems to get harder over time. In my daily life I have been working hard to not lie or correct myself when I do because the lie just spouts forth from my mouth without me realizing what I am saying until I actually say it. Then is when I realize I have lied and I try to correct myself; in the past I may not have realized I lied until minutes, hours, days later – if ever. I also believe that if I did realize it I didn’t care enough about the other people because of my lack of emotional responses and lock of respect for others and myself.

When emotions came flooding back in I started to feel regret and shame for all the lies I have told. I wanted to do something about it. I wanted to do something about it. I wanted to make amends. Something. But my life was built on lies. I couldn’t even tell what was true and what was a lie, I still can’t. I thought about it hard. I wrote down everything I could. I never talked to anyone about it and I still haven’t – not sure I ever will. What I realized is that over 70% of my life is a lie. If I come out with the truth I am not sure I would have anyone, including my wife, in my life anymore – who she knows doesn’t really exist, who everyone knows (except those who read this) doesn’t exist. I will never publicly list the lies that I know I have told, but I have thought of sealing them somewhere (in a safe deposit box or something) and having it released upon my death, but I believe that would hurt too many people and I have no interest in doing that anymore.

I do not believe in heaven or hell so I do not believe that if I don’t “repent” I will burn forever, but it does weigh heavy on me.

So I was curious about whether or not lying was considered a illness in and of itself or if it was just another symptom of the lovely illness I have. I do personally know of cases where the lying is there but little to no other symptoms. I know of three. One is a little bereft of emotion, but the other two are well adjusted. I think one does it to benefit herself and does it by choice but gets an almost high with it. The other is also a female (not sure if that matters) and, I believe, she doesn’t even realize she is lying. At first I thought it was a poor memory, but she would tell several different version of the same situations and even the real situation; that’s when I knew it was a lying situation.

Lying has typically been categorized into Compulsive and Pathological.

  • Compulsive is considered to be a habitual and automatic response. Something that is unplanned, impulsive, has no purpose, and it is thought that the individual has no control over the lies that are told.
  • Pathological is thought to be associated with little to no empathy and the lies are often used to manipulate a situation and others. The individual is often very self-involved.

Neither Compulsive nor Pathological Lying is considered a disease in the DSM (Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). A disease is widely thought to be something that is uncontrolled by natural means. Pathological Lying seems to be something that could be controlled, but Compulsive Lying is involuntary, habitual and the individual has no control of the lies that spew forth from them.

This is a concern of mine as nothing is being done to curb the uncontrolled lying in so many individuals. Until is is declared a disease or illness little to no research will be done to correct it. No drugs will be invented to assist the individuals and mental heath professions will have no standard on how to respond to the situation.

Dr. Charles Dike is a forensic psychiatrist and a professor at Yale who is working to have compulsive lying (which he renames Pathological Lying because it sounds more clinical) included in the next edition of the DSM. He has plenty of opposition and it is unlikely that it will be included, but at least someone is shining a light on something that has been ignored for too long.

Some Of The Many Lies We Tell Our Children

There are no acceptable lies. There is no one who has not told a lie. To lie to someone whose world revolves around you is failing that person. Every child’s life revolves around their caretakers (mothers, father, aunts, uncles, grandparents, guardians, etc.). There is no caretaker who has not lied to the child(ren) that they are entrusted with.

There are lies that we consider little and lies that we consider big and still other that we count as inconsequential.

Some of those little lies (that I tell my children) include:

  • Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is on vacation. You will have to choose a different show to watch.
  • We are all out of juice, you will have to drink milk.
  • That is chicken, I swear.
  • Your plate won’t let me put ranch, ketchup, mustard and barbeque sauce on it all at once.
  • If you don’t stop it I am going to spank you.

Some of the lies that I believe some parents consider either big or inconsequential include:

  • Santa Clause is watching you so you better be good or you will get a lump of coal in your stocking.
  • That gift is from Santa Clause.
  • Santa Clause/The Easter bunny/The tooth fairy/etc. is real.
  • If you keep making that face it will get stuck like that.

There are countless others in our daily life. My wife and I try hard not top lie to our daughter, but it is extremely difficult. She is very inquisitive and sometimes the true answer is not fit for a two-year old’s mind. A lie is a disservice to the child(ren).

Religion is not a lie. Telling someone that it is absolute is. Scientific and religious theory is not true because there is not sufficient evidence to make it so. Faith is truth because by definition is cannot be proved.

Your children are your own and you have the right to tell them and teach them what you wish, but just know that you are usually doing them a disservice not letting them know what is out in the world. The world will not be so nice in its lessons.

The Breakdown Of Communication

It is one of the easiest languages in the world, if not the easiest. Synonyms, antonyms, etc. make the intricacies (of American English) so confusing that people that have been studying it for decades don’t understand all of it, let alone the common man – and especially the common child (preteen – young adult)

Most of the saying that are listed below are lies to either protect someone else’s feelings, or make the liar feel better about themselves by making themselves look better in front of whoever it is that wish to gain the attention of at that moment, but that doesn’t mean they don’t bother the crap out of me.

This is a rant and expresses my opinions at this time in a rough and often offensive manner – don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Some of the little quirks that bother me most are listed below. Some are issues with American English and some are issues with people’s inability to actually think before speaking something that has been ingrained in them for more years than they can remember (does not excuse the behavior in my opinion). I have started to gain empathy for others and I understand and can sympathize with the need to protect other’s feeling in certain situations, but sometimes you have to put the lies aside and deliver the truth in a kind fashion. Also, if these little lies were actually thought out and not just mindlessly delivered it would make more sense to me.

Another thing I have issue with, and I will get more into it later, is that almost all faith based belief systems teach truth and honesty, yet we all lie countless times during the day. How many parents, who have a faith that practices that intrinsic belief tell their children and other young relatives that there is a Santa Clause that brings them toys and watches over them? Or an bunny who delivers eggs? Or a fairy that takes teeth and leaves a gift? Or countless other things. Hypocrisies are in rampant in this country – in this world. I am not saying I am not guilty of these things, but I am aware fo them and I am working to correct them. And my belief system (or faith) doesn’t have that tenant.

Without anymore stalling, here we go.

  • I can [perform task] in my sleep.

DRIVING: Seriously? I have done that. Several times. I have also driven blacked out. Several times. I have learned that it is possible while blacked out, but impossible when sleeping. Sure I can drive while sleeping, but not to anywhere other than in the rear of another car or a telephone pole. So, YES, you can drive while sleeping, but you won’t survive it.

COOKING:  No. Say goodbye to your fingers, forearms, face, and other exposed skin or loosely covered skin. fire is hot. You burn easily. Knives are sharp. Your flesh is soft and supple.

There are many others, but I just can’t think of them right now. If you have one, I will gladly expand on it and/or include it here.

This is not a lie that benefits anyone except the one telling it. Alter it a bit and then maybe it can be true.

Okay maybe as quick as diarrhea leaving your ass, but even that is not a ‘quick’ experience. I know not everyone is like me, but I have never gotten off the throne in less than five minutes and that is not what I would consider ‘quick’. If that person has a ‘quick’ shit then they should say as quick as MY shit. Shit can also refer to general items. I can’t think of general items being ‘quick’ either. Not really sure where this one came from but I would not be sad if it died (I might even rejoice).

Pie is not easy. Making dough is not fun for me. Forming a crust is just tedious. The filling is easy, but the perfect pie is hard to come by as the temperature and time has to be exact. Maybe it is enjoyable for some and maybe they know what they are doing, having doing it for years, but it is still not ‘easy’. To be crude – one of the slang definitions for pie is a woman’s sexual area. Every woman is different, trust me I have been with enough of them to know that. Figuring that out is harder than figuring out if there is a God. I doubt the person who came up with this gem was thinking of that meaning when they said it.

  • You don’t wanna know.

First of all, ‘wanna’ is not a word. It is ‘want to’. And secondly, when this is said the person delivering the comment usually doesn’t know me well, if at all, and how would they know if I want to know about something? They should say I don’t think you want to know about it. No assumptions. This is not necessarily a lie, just not exactly true in most cases. I don’t always use proper English, but I try to use real words correctly. I know the language is expanding everyday and I know that many people think that is a wonderful thing because language is a living and breathing thing, but there needs to be some reverence. ‘LOL’ should not be a word, but it is now officially recognized as one.

  • Whatever.

This one is one of my biggest annoyances. I even find myself using it and I don’t know what to say instead of it. I want to strangle, skin, eviscerate and then crucify the person that came up with the current use off the word.

You need to pick up your toys.

Whatever.

The Word has three definitions according to Miriam Webster which is a highly respected dictionary.

what·ev·er pronoun \hwät-ˈe-vər, wät-, (h)wət

Definition of WHATEVER

Pronoun

1
a : anything or everything that <take whatever you want>
b : no matter what <whatever he says, they won’t believe him>
c : whatnot <enjoys skiing, hiking, or whatever>

2
: what 1a(1) —used to express astonishment or perplexity

Examples of WHATEVER
“What’s that smell?” “I don’t know, but whatever it is, it’s awful!”
Whatever you do, don’t press that button!

Adjective

1
a : any … that : all … that <buy peace … on whatever terms could be obtained — C. S. Forester>
b : no matter what <money, in whatever hands, will confer power — Samuel Johnson>

2
: of any kind at all —used after the substantive it modifies with any or with an expressed or implied negative <in any order whatever — W. G. Moulton> <no food whatever>

Examples of WHATEVER
She will buy the painting at whatever price.
There’s no evidence whatever to support your theory.

Adverb

: in any case : whatever the case may be —sometimes used interjectionally to suggest the unimportance of an issue or decision between alternatives

Examples of WHATEVER
<whatever the reviews say, I still think it was a great play>

– Nowhere does it say that whatever is a synonym for ‘I don’t care’. Please stop using it in that manner. I am trying, will you?

  • How’s it going/How are you doing/What’s up?

Usually when these things are asked the person asking does not care and the person being asked knows that so responds with a programmed response that holds no meaning and no answer to the question that was asked in the first place. If you are going ask a question expect and desire an answer. listen and care. If not don’t ask the question. Say Hello and leave it at that. Some times when these phrases are asked the questions is delivered genuinely, but it is delivered by instinct and not from a desire to know what is going on and their interest is derived from a sense of guilt. Stop feeling guilty and being surprised when the random individual actually tell you What is up.

  • Oh that child is so cute.

Okay, this could just be me, but every child is a wonderful gift from nature/the gods/God/the universe/the collective/what have you, but not all of them are physically attractive. The child may be beautiful as that infers that it is wonderful and it is, but cute is about appearance and some newborns, infants, babies, toddlers, children are not attractive and I will go so far as to say they are repulsive to behold. It is the same with adults. So why do we lie to parents and tell them their kid is attractive when it is obvious to everyone but them that their kid could make a blind boar run away squealing. I am not suggestion, recommending, or inferring that anyone should tell a parent that their child is unattractive, just don’t lie to them and tell them that the kid with the five-headed pug-faced hairy behemoth is cute.

I am sure I have a million more gripes and I may discuss them later. Right now This will do.

Text Speak will be something that I will rant about later.