September 6th was my birthday. It was a day that I would have rather slept through. A total of 8 people wished me happy birthday and one of them was not my son. I had to take the dog we just adopted to a rescue because my chiwawa mix (Beverly) was vomiting on herself, peeing on the floor, refusing to move, shaking and had been tossed around a bit by the dog who was an English Mastiff. A big dog was not a bad idea, a HUGE dog was a horrible idea. My wife and mother-in-law hate me, if only temporarily, for getting rid of the dog, but I really had no choice as I could not put my Beverly in any more danger. I cleaned the couch to get rid of the big dog’s smell and I made dinner. I took care of my daughter so my wife could work and I got no time to myself. My wife did not even wish me a happy birthday until after 5pm. She did say that we could observe my birthday some other day, but it was my birthday and it seemed like everyone just forgot and didn’t care which makes me think they didn’t care about me. I don’t want a party I just want a little “happy birthday” form those that are supposed to love me and be my friends. My family even fell short, but I stopped counting on them years ago.
Another day, another year, another disappointment.
“I love you”
means so little
when I see you
So I am a jealous f*ck. Deal. My wife knew this and yet she still pushes her bounds. She also knows that if I think she wants something bad enough I will let her have it, without exception. She has been dating (my best friend) and I said I was okay with it. I’m not. He is also the only “friend” she goes out with so I feel bad telling her she has to be a shut-in like me. I can’t take away her excursions, but I have to find a way to tell her I want no intimacy between them, but how can I do that when there is no intimacy between her and I (my fault not hers)? It is all so convoluted.
I have written and rewritten this entry at least five times.
My wife wants to “be more than friends” with my best friend.
Let me start by saying I have allowed them to sleep together in the past, but she assured me there was no more to it than that. That was three years ago. Apparently, for my friend who is married himself (his wife has a boyfriend), he did not let go.
They have gotten closer and closer and I have allowed it, stupidly. Now they want more.
I said no.
This is not a good time in my relationship or life and I don’t know if it ever will be.