Do I Really Have To Say It

Snorting this line,
as the particles
fly up the straw
and into my nostrils,
I find myself reeling,
as expected, and thinking of you …

I remember the times
I ate so much acid
that you would say a little prayer
(thought I didn’t know, didn’t you,
well I did, every time).
And then you would
make it rain white powder
that shared your name.
And, Molly, when we would
find that perfect balance
of trippin’ balls and rubbin’ walls,
time would stop.
with your skin against mine.

But as the initial rush dies
you leave my headspace,
there’s no room for you there anymore
because right about NOW
is when the demons attack
and they come from everywhere
wearing the face
of no one and everyone,
visually fucking me up
like I , once again,
filled my mouth with gel caps.
And the auditory assault
from some of the visions
and from nowhere
are almost enough
to make my ears bleed.

And I start crying.
And I realize
I haven’t bumped that line yet
and all this shit
is just who I am now
because … because …

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