Starting Off

Sitting in a room in front of a computer is what I do for somewhere around 65% of my time. I spend all of that time, along with a bit more, alone. I check email, read news, browse social networking sites, occasionally work on certain creative projects, but primarily I write. I write poetry, long form prose, short prose, and streams of consciousness.

I socialize with people, on average, 22 hours a month (including extended family, but excluding immediate family – wife, kids). Every morning I see my wife and daughter. My daughter goes to a sitter for the day because I cannot take care of her and my wife works. They are gone for ten to twelve hours during the day all week (excluding weekends). On the weekends I try to spend as much time as I can with them, not only craving the interaction but attempting to be involved in their lives because I love them more than anything and I need to not fall back into myself completely.

Every other weekend I get my son (from my first wife) and only get to spend a few hours with him even though I, technically, have him all weekend because my mother picks him up and spends some time with him and then my mother-in-law, who has been around before he was born, takes him (sometimes overnight because he begs to not sleep at my house since he doesn’t have a real relationship with me) and then they take him home on Sunday; this leaves me with the few hours mentioned. I am working to change that.

I have been married twice. The first time was a mistake. She got pregnant weeks before we filed for divorce. In the state we lived in the law said that we had to wait until the child was born until we could officially file. It took nearly two years to finalize that divorce. I was with my current wife while I was still married. I didn’t cheat, it was a complicated situation. My son was born in 2005. I got remarried in 2007. It will be the last time, I guarantee that.

If you haven’t guessed by now, I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia. It came on between 2008 and 2009. My wife has been wonderful and never faltered in her devotion and love; she is my everything (my kids are a close second). I had a different mental illness before it came on and it triggered the event that ultimately brought on the schizophrenia (most people believe that it is always there, beneath the surface waiting to come out – if it does and it only can come out in those that are predisposed to it)

I believe I am a very intelligent person. If you put any stock in IQ tests, the score it assessed me at was … higher than most of the population. I have more than a few issues and not all of them are associated with the mental illness. I had a colorful past that haunts me constantly.

I have an interesting relationship with my mother and no relationship with my father (it wasn’t always that way). I have siblings; a step-sister, step-brother, half-sister, and half-brother. The only one I have a relatively decent relationship with is my half-sister.

I did more drugs than should have been possible and that has caused quite a few issues on its own.

My memory is horrible and I am sitting here wondering what else I wanted to write, but no matter how many times I read over what I have written I still cannot figure out how to continue so, instead, I will just –



2 thoughts on “Starting Off

  1. Pingback: Parental Love – I Expected It To Be Different Than What It Is | Days of a Schizophrenic Father

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